Why King?
It's just different than Queen energy
I shared a picture of myself in a throne at a restaurant and shared that I am exploring this “Quing” archetype, and a male client of mine asked:
“Didn't Queen Elizabeth I redefine the entire distinction between K/Q? She upended the notion that women ‘needed’ a man to rule.
What's the reason for adopting Quingdom versus simply Queendom? How does incorporating the ‘ing’ improve the standing?”
I love this question, and let me be clear … it’s not about improving the standing by any means.
I don’t know enough about Queen Elizabeth to know what she did or didn’t do related to the King/Queen archetype. She could be worth my study to understand more about her rule, and whether she did, in fact, embody what I’m calling “Quing.”
The bigger issue to address here is the question of why is Queen insufficient? What does adding in the “King” do?
Or, why King?
For the first many years of my life as a lawyer and business woman and mother, I didn't know how to have a healthy balance of masculine and feminine.
I did that pendulum swing thing that many of us do when we are in the process of awakening ...
My first ten years of adulthood - let’s call them the “Alexis Neely” years — were primarily driven through a masculine force that lived within me. If you study Alison Armstrong’s teachings on the development of men, I was in my Prince phase.
My father wanted a son, I was first born. So I became the son he wanted.
My one connection to my feminine was through motherhood.
To be clear, I had no concept of masculine and feminine back then.
After my father died, and I sat with Ayahuasca, Ali Shanti - distinctly feminine, creative, even chaotic, emerged.
These various parts of me did not like or trust each other. But that’s a story for another day. Today, and now that they’ve all been reconciled and integrated, I get to be in relationship with each of these parts as archetypes that live inside me, with a clear purpose and their own ways of being, fully claimed, owned, and lived.
The King archetype is one of the most powerful to integrate yet, and it’s distinctly different than the Queen archetype.
Integrating the two into “Quing” is a unique experience for me of embodying something I haven’t personally seen lived fully in the world before.
And certainly not the internal experience that would shed light onto matters of intimacy, money, sexuality, community, parenting or the many other life experiences impacted by how we hold ourselves within leadership of our lives.
And, so, I share my experience of it with you here.
Why King?
My King Provides Generously.
There’s something about the King archetype that has me feel an expanded responsibility for the well-being of the Kingdom “provisionally” that I did not feel in the same way when just embracing the Queen archetype, without King.
I’ve heard of this idea of “provision” most recently from the “polarity” teachers I’ve watched for some time - Om Rupani and Gillian Pothier are two I’ve studied most recently.
Their teachings have helped me to see that as a feminine being, I want to be provided for and that’s natural.
In my Queen archetype, I am provided for, not the provider.
In my King archetype, I am the provider.
When I stand in my King, I don’t resent the fact that I bring the resource into the community and share it with all those around me. I know that as my role, and I don’t get caught up in or confused by the question of whether people are in relationship with me just for what I provide — I know that it’s part of why they are in relationship with me, and my system can relax into that knowing.
In my secure King, I provide generously.
My King Has My Back
I can feel my King living inside my shoulders. He has my back.
So, now instead of carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders, pushing down on me, my King holds my heart from the back - two hands supporting my upper back, encouraging me to sit more upright, while still relaxed.
This allows me to know that no matter what happens, I have my own back.
In a prior romantic relationship (or maybe more than one), I repeatedly felt dropped by my partner, and as if he didn’t have my back. I can now see that because I didn’t have a strong and solid relationship with my own internal King, I didn’t have my own back.
Now, I do.
My King is Clear
My feminine parts are chaotic and creative. A beautiful mess.
My King is clear, direct, focused, on purpose and driven.
When I live into the archetype of my King, I make choices through a different lens than when I am looking, feeling and living through the archetype of my Queen.
Over the coming days, weeks, months here, I will be exploring the ways that the Queen and King live inside of me, and operate through me differently with more specific examples as they arise.
I’d love for you to share your personal experience as you consider the way King and Queen archetypes may live inside of you, and play out through you, as you consider the embodiment and expression of each.
Comment here and let’s explore this together. It’ll help all of us grow into the most royal, empowered, sovereign versions of ourselves.
Quing life forever,
Ali
This is so good Ali.