How to Win at the Game of Life

Was I playing the wrong game all along?

I won the wrong game.

I thought winning meant fame and fortune, and proving to everyone from high school that I wasn’t just slutty, I was smart.

I thought winning meant getting to safety and security, and having $40,000,000 in the bank so I could be financially free.

I thought winning had everything to do with what it looked like out there, rather than what it felt like in here.

I was winning the game I was playing. Smart enough to get on TV as a family financial and legal expert, wealthy enough to put my kids in private school, drive a BMW and live two houses from the beach, and so not slutty that I’d decided I didn’t need to have sex ever again.

All that by 35.

Yet, I felt like crap most of the time.

I was sure there was something wrong with me, and I seemed to be trapped in a reality where all I could see was the suffering of the world, with no power to change anything.

Is this really what I was creating?

Turns out, it was.

Frankly though, I didn’t even know it was a game, or that I could opt in or out. I thought it was just how life was.

I realize now that I was operating as what some gamers refer to as a “nonplayable character” or NPC.

Helpful explanation of what it means to be an NPC by this YouTuber.

Life was happening to me, not for me. And I had no idea how to control my character, or even that I could take an active role in doing so.

Once I learned to approach life like a game, and most specifically a game that I chose even before I arrived here, everything in my life shifted.

Part of the intention for the Quingdom is to support you to choose the game you are playing, learn the rules and play in a way where you can’t lose.

Want to play a game worth playing? Here’s 3 steps I’ve figured out:

Step #1: Choose the Right Game

We are such powerful creators that we each get to choose the game we want to play, and who we want to play the game with. Ten years ago, I may have not believed you, or even understood what it meant.

I was stuck in a stage of consciousness that had me often feel “subject to” what was happening in my life rather than able to take 100% full responsibility for everything I was experiencing.

Today, I can see I’m the creator of everything I’m experiencing, and that means I get to choose the game I’m playing, and based on my choice, I get to learn how to navigate the rules and play really well.

You literally can choose any game. If you don’t like the game you chose, you can choose another.

The game you choose will attract certain kinds of players, and will come with a set of rules you need to navigate, so I recommend you choose your game based on the who you want to spend time with, and which rules you like the most.

The game I am choosing to play is the game of learning to live as a multi-dimensional, full range human who is in this world, but not of it while simultaneously being fully all in for it.

To me, this means awakening as a householder, becoming the most aligned, powerful business woman and mother I can be, learning to live as a Quing and creating a Quingdom, and healing the wounds of my ancestors so I can create a new future reality through my full participation in all of life.

My game is an infinite game. Simon Sinek wrote about the concept of the infinite game in business, and what I share here in the Quingdom will take it beyond business.

If you are curious about how I chose this game in particular, please comment here and let me know what questions arise for you.

Contemplate the game you want to play, and let’s play together.

Step #2: Understand the Rules of the Game You Choose to Play
(or Fuck Around & Find Out)

Once you are clear about the game you are playing, you need to know the rules. You can learn the rules in a couple ways:

• Learn from others playing the game you want to play, and who have learned the rules.

• Fuck around and find out.

I’m a fuck around and find out kind of gal.

Apparently there’s a meme for this now.

You can watch the full “fuck around and find out” presentation on YouTube

As a 1/3 Generator in the Human Design system, I was born to Fuck Around and Find Out, so I can teach what I’ve learned.

The cool part is now that I’m 50, I don’t have to fuck around so much anymore. It’s time for me to share what I found out. Woohooo!

So, part of what I’m going to do here is share the rules I’ve figured out about things like:

• Legal, Insurance, Financial and Tax (LIFT) stuff … that cost me about $5,000,000 (yep, not a typo) of fuckery to find out.

• How to Use Your Calendar to Create Reality

• The Magic of Very Practical Rituals - Like Marrying Myself

• How to Make and Keep Friends

• What Narcissism is, and What to Do With It When You See It

• Navigating the Credit System and the Journey to Financial Liberation

• How to Use the 3-D Tools of Time, Energy, Attention and Money (TEAM Resources) for Quantum Results … this is the kind of 5-D stuff Joe Dispenza teaches, but with a very practical application and use of our 3-D Systems.

If you’re playing a game in which you want to learn to navigate the current system while also creating a new future reality, you’ve found a great place to learn the rules you may not have understood or known how to navigate very well.

Step #3: Be Proud of How You Play

No matter which game you choose, and how you learn the rules of the game you are playing, you can win the game by being proud of yourself as a player.

You’ve heard it said, sung and seen it written - don’t hate the player, hate the game.

But, I think they got it a little bit off; hating the game only makes life worse. I chose a game I hated and I didn’t really like the people I was playing the game with, and I did hate the game for a while, but it didn’t get me anywhere. I just became a hater.

Instead, I began to look at how I could actually love whatever game I was playing, and change myself along the way, recognizing that was part of the game. And, if I did that, then what would happen?

Turns out that old game I hated dropped away, bit by bit, and I found myself playing a game I had created, with people I chose, who reflected back to me the very best parts of myself that I loved the most.

Now, that’s winning.

Along the way, I learned to ask the question “what am I seeing outside myself that’s showing me something about me?”

I learned that everything I was seeing out there is a reflection of what’s happening inside me. So, if I hate the game, I get to find a new way to play, and see what changes.

Since I began playing every game with integrity, curiosity, and forgiveness (of myself and others), my game continues to upward spiral, and I find myself in new and better games regularly.

My Game

My current game is creating worlds worth living in, for myself and everyone in my life. And, while my current game has a lot of elements of the one I played as an NPC, it’s also so very different.

I still want to impact many people (fame) and I still want to make a lot of money (fortune), but what’s behind and underneath it all is totally different now.

It’s no longer about proving anything, creating false security or even what anyone else thinks about me at all.

If the people I’m playing with don’t like how I’m playing, I no longer wonder - is it them or is it me? I already know the answer to that question. If I have to ask, it’s me. It’s always me. And, if the people I’m playing with don’t like how I’m playing, and they convey that to me, I take it in, and look at what needs to change.

I only play with people I respect and trust.

My baseline upon meeting every new player is respect and trust. You don’t have to earn respect and trust with me - I assume the good in all people. And I also have high standards. If I see you act in ways I don’t respect or trust, I’ll tell you directly. And, if you don’t respond in ways I find respectful or trustworthy, our play is over.

Once respect and trust is lost, it’s a steep climb back. But always possible. Forgiveness is always at the ready in my world.

My game now is about how I feel inside. Some of the questions I ask myself regularly:

• Am I proud of how I’m playing the game?

• If I had the chance to have my entire life broadcast for everyone to see, would I be proud of what’s being shown? (Note: in some ways, this did happen from 2012 through 2018 or so due to a hater blog I was regularly featured on, and I didn’t like what I saw reflected back — so, it was time to change the way I was playing.)

• Do I feel abundant and generous?

• Is my nervous system relaxed?

• Do I feel fulfilled?

• Am I living a life of intention, surrender and trust?

• Do I like the people I spend my time with?

• Is my life full of ease and grace and synchronicity?

If I can’t answer yes to all of these questions, I get to look at where I am choosing to put my time, energy, attention and money. These are the resources that are 100% within my control, and I can reorient and shift them at any time.

You can too.

If you are here in the Quingdom to play with me, yay, welcome!

Let’s play a great game together.

In a future post, I’ll share with you my 5 rules for the game I’m playing, the name of the game, and the tools I use to create the best game possible.

In the meantime, consider the game you’re playing, how you know if you are winning and whether you want to play a new game, or if you like the one you have.

Your comments, questions and thoughts are welcome. Please bring them, it’s one of the things that makes this game the most fun.